Et à propos des films ?

[pasteqman]

Kwakwakwakwakwakwakwa ? T'aimes pas Indiana Jones, toi ?

Comment ça les nazis ont des talkie-walkies dans les mains ?



























Ooooh fuck !

[Balak]

Et pourtant, cet épisode reste le meilleur de la nouvelle trilogie.

C'est dingue.

"meilleur"... "pire"...

avec lucas on est par delà le bien est le mal.

on atomise les jugement de valeur.

c'est Nietzsche avec un brushing.

[Little Lou]

Et un écran vert derrière.

[casse_couille]

c'est Nietzsche avec un brushing.

... et un goitre surtout.



































MAIS MATTEZ MOI CE GOITRE!!! >


si georges lucas était un super héros, il s'appelerait goitreman.

[Chron]

@+
Chron

[patrouchef]

En fait il a un cancer de la gorge.

Comme Kim Il Sung.

Sauf que là, la propagande officielle du partit ne lui gomme pas.

[Den X]

Non mais vous voyez pas qu'il a foutu sa tête au bout de sa bite pour cacher les injections de silicone qui donnent à son sexe un diamètre de 15cm au repos !
Alors après, faut pas s'étonner s'il réalise avec le cul...

[JeP]

Ah tiens, ça tombe bien que tu parles de dvdrama et de l'autre tâcheron, hop, y'a une pétition qui se monte pour qu'il arrête ses conneries :

Un million contre Uwe Boll


Même si les pétitions ça sert à rien, ça soulage un peu, pour le coup. Alors si jamais vous aussi vous avez l'espoir qu'un jour, il arrête de nous pourrir nos jeux...

Je sais j'insiste, mais sur le coup, j'avais pas compris d'où venait la citation de Fikey...



Et si Uwe Boll lui-même vous donnait envie de signer cette pétition :




Promis c'est la dernière fois, parce que finalement j'en ai rien à taper.

[Chron]

Muhuhuhu, le mec comment qu'il est trop vesqué.
Puis Michael Bay, c'est peut-être un neuneu, mais il a des Transformers dans son Awesome jardin, et c'est quand même la classe, ça.
@+
Chron

[Little Lou]

Je me suis écroulée de rire en lisant cette review de Spiderman 3, que j'ai trouvée à cette adresse http://mistful.livejournal.com/100666.html#cutid1 (vous y trouverez aussi des parodies de Troie et Harry Potter, c'est assez excellent)

OPENING CREDITS: Remember how Peter Parker got buff? Remember how Harry got emo and then got kind of evil? Remember how M.J. dumped the poor fool who loved her at the altar and ran off laughing for joy?

PETER: Things are going so great for me. So great. I have a hot girlfriend in a Broadway play and everyone worships Spiderman and I’m top of my class and my life is perfect!
AUDIENCE: Wow, it’s lucky Spiderman is a franchise, or dramatic irony would have just killed Peter Parker.

PETER: Wow, M.J., you were great in the play.
M.J.: Yeah, thank you for the flowers. Harry’s bouquet was much more impressive, look! I put his right next to yours so you could see.
PETER: Um… thanks.
M.J.: Is Harry still mad at you?
PETER: Um yes.
M.J.: I wonder why.
PETER: Ahahaha. Yes. That is a puzzle.
M.J.: Well, anyway, you’ll learn to get along again.
PETER: Yay, I hope so! We could play ball.
M.J.: We could all have a threesome.
PETER: Sorry, darling? What was that?

M.J.: Did you really think I was good in the play, Peter?
PETER: You were good in the play, M.J.
M.J.: Why don’t you tell me I was great in the play, Peter?
PETER: You were magnificent, M.J.!
M.J.: Do you love me, Peter?
PETER: I love you bunches. Hey, do you love me?
M.J.: Why do you always have to talk about yourself, Peter? You’re so self-centred.
M.J. and PETER: make out on a spiderweb
ALIEN GOO EMERGING FROM A METEORITE: Hey Peter? I love you.

SANDMAN: I’m just a devoted father who tried to get money for his sick little girl.
SANDMAN’S EX: Uh, no, you’re a criminal. And you killed a guy.
SANDMAN: Well, yeah. But what does that matter compared to the life of my little girl? I bet the old guy didn’t have any loving relatives. Especially not any with super powers.
SANDMAN’S EX: Bet you a million dollars?

PETER: I’m going to ask M.J. to marry me!
AUNT MAY: Okay Peter, the most important thing is that M.J. has to come FIRST with you, and you have to love her the BEST, and subjugate yourself to her EVERY WHIM.
PETER: Um… can she love me too?
AUNT MAY: I remember when your uncle and I were courting. He wasn’t ready to subjugate himself to my every whim when he first proposed, so I had to say no.
PETER: Um, Auntie May, there’s no good way to say this, but…
AUNT MAY: Yes dear?
PETER: Were you my uncle’s bdsm mistress of pain?
AUNT MAY: Have some tea, Peter.

HARRY: I’m the new Green Goblin, and you should have seen this coming!
PETER: Yeah, well, you should’ve seen this pipe coming.
HARRY: …
PETER: Harry? Harry!
HARRY: …
PETER: It’s all fun times and hoverboards until somebody loses a heartbeat.

DOCTOR: Your friend Harry is going to be okay!
PETER: Yay!
DOCTOR: And I have more good news! He has a very rare condition that I’ve never come across in any medical journals. But I did read this wonderful book called The Cowboy Sheik’s Lusty Bride and it dealt with the matter in-depth. What your friend has is Plot Convenient Amnesia.
PETER: … And that’s good, is it?
DOCTOR: Well, as I recall there are generally a few humorous misunderstandings and the lusty bride had a secret baby, but I know it’ll work out for the best in the end.
HARRY: Peter! Buddy!
PETER: Amnesia, was there ever a sweeter word?

M.J.: So you and Harry are getting on again, are you?
PETER: Yay!
M.J.: Excellent.
NURSE: You have nice friends.
HARRY: I would totally die for them.
NURSE: Well now you went and said that, you will.

GWEN: Help, I am a blonde falling from a building!
EDDIE: See that blonde falling? I am that blonde’s boyfriend.
CHIEF OF POLICE: I am that blonde’s father. I don’t believe we’ve met.
EDDIE: No. I’m so glad we have time for this chat while Gwen falls to her death.
CHIEF: Yeah, it’s good to talk.
EDDIE: So, how ’bout them Yankees?

HARRY: Oh my God, Peter, let’s play basketball in my awesome mansion! Do I have a girlfriend? Hey, you and I and M.J. sure do spend a lot of time together…
PETER: Do you want to wear my friendship bracelet? I wove it out of web.
HARRY: *flirtatious smile*
PETER: Yay friends! When M.J. and I have a baby girl, I shall name her Amnesia.

BROADWAY DIRECTOR IN BIZARRO WORLD: You’re fired after one night!
M.J.: Uh, that can’t happen, because people sign contracts, and my name is in lights on Broadway, and one bad performance-
DIRECTOR: Look, in this world being bitten by a spider gives you super powers. It doesn’t have to make sense!

M.J.: Uh Peter, I’m really sad.
PETER: Yeah, you’re overwhelmed by how awesome you are, right? I get that all the time. How can you be so awesome, Spiderman? I think to myself. Can you get any more awesome? I have a feeling you can, but then you might explode. That’s the sort of thing that’s worrying you, right?
M.J.: No.
PETER: Oh. Would you like to hear some more about how awesome I am? Would that cheer you up?
M.J.: No.
PETER: That’s weird. Are you sure? It always cheers me up.
GOO: I came here from Mars to chill in Peter Parker’s studio apartment. I’m feeling comfortable with that decision.
PETER: I have to go awesomely save someone! And also not explode from my own awesomeness!
GOO: Okay, pick up milk while you’re out!
M.J.: I won’t be here when you come back, Peter!
GOO: I will, though. I’ll be right here. Chillin’ like a villain.

M.J.: I’m really sad about being fired. I wish something would cheer me up.
HARRY: Hey there, M.J. I’m handsome and rich and wearing a beautiful amnesia-inspired grin and prepared to shower devotion on you!
M.J.: How do you feel about Peter?
HARRY: Oh, I love Peter.
M.J.: … I think we understand each other.
HARRY: … Yes. Yes I think we do.

PETER: Yay, a parade for me!
M.J.: Why can’t I have a parade? It’s like being an unpaid crusader who risks his life for justice is harder than being a bad ex-Broadway singer.
PETER: Since I’m planning to propose to M.J. later tonight, I think the best move at this point would be to swing in and make out with Gwen onstage in front of her. M.J. will totally like it. She’s always talking about how much she wants a threesome.

M.J.: Why did you think that making out with another girl in front of me while thousands cheered was a good idea?
PETER: … I’m not sure. Why won’t you believe that I love you?
M.J.: Because you made out with another girl in front of me while thousands cheered!
PETER: But she’s just a girl from my class who I know personally and have never mentioned to you, who clearly admires me and whose life I have saved! Why should that upset you in any way?
M.J.: Made out. In front of me. Thousands cheered.
PETER: Women. What a mystery they are.

GOO: Well, now I’ve read all Peter’s comics and eaten all the cheese in his fridge, I’m kind of at a loose end.
PETER: *sleeps*
GOO: I guess I could possess Peter.
PETER: *sleeps*
GOO: I really wish Peter had a TV.
PETER: *sleeps*
GOO: Okay, possession time!

PETER: Wow, I feel pretty good. My costume’s all black. Oh my God, I am Goth Spiderman!
PETER: Maybe this isn’t a good thing. I just snapped at my landlord and then I looked in the mirror and oh my God, I look like Pete Doherty!
PETER: I shouldn’t put that awesome Goth suit on again. I think it made me high.

SCIENTIST: Uh, Peter, this black goo from Mars is kinda weird and parasitic and into you.
PETER: So you’re saying… it’s not cocaine.
SCIENTIST: You didn’t keep any, did you?
PETER: So what if I did? It’s not a Class A drug, and that’s all I needed to know!

SANDMAN: I was just dissolved by a toxic sand whisk, but I feel much better now! I think I was brought back from sandy oblivion by my love for my cute little girl.
SAND: … Seriously?
SANDMAN: Hey, you have no idea how cute my little girl is!

POLICE CHIEF: So remember how we told you that the killer of Ben Parker was identified and dead?
PETER AND AUNT MAY: Um, yes.
POLICE CHIEF: Uh, just kidding.
PETER: What the hell? How long have you known this?
POLICE CHIEF: Who’s counting?
PETER: What just happened?
AUNT MAY: Peter dear, I believe the chief of police Punk’d us.
PETER: …
AUNT MAY: Also the killer of your uncle is still on the loose. Tea?

EDDIE: Is there any way I can get a job here? Any way at all. I’m not averse to sleeping my way to the top. I’m not averse to sleeping my way to the middle.
PETER’S BOSS: I like your style, kid.
PETER: What have you got against me?
PETER’S BOSS: Um, your girlfriend did break my son’s heart in front of a hundred witnesses.
PETER: It was a beautiful cinematic moment!
PETER’S BOSS: Yeah, but other people have feelings, dude. Okay. First one of you to frame Spiderman gets the job!
EDDIE: Right away, sir! May I add that you make petty evil look debonair?
PETER: We get promoted if we frame a civic hero?
PETER’S BOSS: When super-powered spider men fly through the air, logic flies out the window.

PETER: Dude, your robbery would’ve killed at least two people if it wasn’t for me! What do you have to say for yourself?
SANDMAN: My little girl… is really cute?
PETER: Does that give you the right to kill people?
SANDMAN: I feel so. I feel okay about killing your uncle. That was no big deal.
PETER: Beg. To. Differ.
SANDMAN: Your Uncle Ben wasn’t that cute.
PETER: Take that back, my Uncle Ben was a fine-looking specimen for his age! I water pistol you in the face!
SANDMAN: I perish!
PETER: … Well, that was unexpectedly easy. Ah, convenient death by water blast, are there any sweeter words in the universe? Except for ‘amnesia,’ of course.

PETER: So Spiderman iced the guy who killed Uncle Ben.
AUNT MAY: Really? That’s weird. Uncle Ben wouldn’t have wanted revenge.
PETER: Uh, he wouldn’t?
AUNT MAY: See, sometimes trying to avenge a beloved relative’s death leads you to go crazy and use your super powers for evil!
PETER: I have never ever noticed that.
AUNT MAY: *cough* Harry *cough*
PETER: I am sorry you have a cough, Aunt May. You should take better care of yourself: you’re getting on a bit, you know.

M.J.: I feel really blue.
HARRY: Would hanging around in the splendid mansion of a rich, available hottie soothe you in any way?
M.J.: Well, what would really cheer me up is a threesome, but I’ll take what I can get.
M.J.: cooks for Harry
M.J.: dances sexily for Harry
M.J.: leans in to kiss Harry
HARRY: leans in to kiss M.J.
M.J.: What gave you the idea that was O.K.?!
HARRY: … Um…
M.J.: I only make out with boys in the context of a loving and committed relationship, or a fantastically hot threesome!
HARRY: Well…
M.J.: Good day to you, sir!

BUTLER: Is everything cool, Master Bruce? I mean, Harry?
HARRY: Uh, someone just appeared to me in a mirror.
BUTLER: Did he say you were the fairest of them all?
HARRY: No, he said ‘I am your father. Son, avenge my death.’
BUTLER: That’s got a ring to it as well.
HARRY: Also, I think I’m over my amnesia.
BUTLER: That’s a shame, sir. We were all enjoying it.

HARRY: I want you to break up with Peter for me or I’ll kill him.
M.J.: Uh, give it your best shot, Richie Rich? My boyfriend has super powers.
HARRY: You know, it would be much easier for us both if you just agreed with me and did it for no reason.
M.J.: Okay! Anything to oblige a friend.

PETER: Hi, M.J.! Let’s kiss and be friends!
M.J.: Or we could break up instead!
PETER: … For why?
M.J.: No reason that makes any sense at all in any logical universe.
PETER: *blink blink*
M.J.: I mean, I love someone else!

PETER: She says she loves someone else, Harry!
HARRY: Did she say it was me?
PETER: … Um, no, that she failed to mention, actually.
HARRY: Well, now you know.
PETER: Okay. Uh. I think I have to go cry somewhere now like a little girl, if you don’t mind.
HARRY: Not at all!
WAITRESS: How’s your pie?
HARRY: Best served cold. Oh, wait, sorry, pie’s great. I was thinking about something else. I forget what.

PETER: Nothing can make me feel better!
GOO: Baby, you’re mine on a platter. Let’s settle the matter.
PETER: … sniff?
GOO: I always get my man.

PETER: Oh my God, I was so wrong, I totally love my hair now. And I love cookies!
SCIENTIST ON THE PHONE: Uh Peter, that parasite you showed me should heighten certain traits in its host.
PETER: Mmm, and yummy milk.
SCIENTIST: Like aggressiveness.
PETER: I like cookies with nuts!
SCIENTIST: … Am I supposed to be taking you or this script seriously? Like, at all?
PETER: Dunno. Mmmm, all my inhibitions are totally lowered. I want cookies and milk and after that, baby… naptime!
URSULA: Wild thing, you make my heart sing.

PETER: Eddie faked a photo of Spiderman committing a crime!
EDDIE: I’ll get you for this. You and your new eyeliner too.
PETER: I want a promotion and a raise and a new office and sexual access to your secretary!
PETER’S BOSS: …
PETER: Yeah, I didn’t think you’d say no to this hair.

PETER: gives snaps to the pretty girls
PRETTY GIRLS: A gay guy with A Flock of Seagulls hair gave me snaps! Yay, I must be dressed sharply!
PETER: Now for a makeover! And now… it’s dancin’ time!
GOO: I came from outer space to rock New York! Hello, New York!
PETER: Yeah, my hips don’t lie.

HARRY: Fancy a drink, Peter?
PETER: I fancy kicking your ass.
HARRY: Peter, you have a new hairdo! And you appear to be wearing eyeliner. Dude, no wonder you got beat down in school.
PETER: Don’t talk to me about school when I am Goth Spiderman! It makes me hear the soundtrack of ‘I Hate Mondays’ in my head!
HARRY: Yeah well, you killed my father! I’m going to smack your bitch up with metal daggers that explode from my arms!
PETER: Why do metal daggers explode from the arms of your dress shirt?
HARRY: It’s a cool special feature. Latest thing. Shall I give you my tailor’s number?
PETER: … Maybe later. Now, we throw down!
HARRY: That eyeliner makes you look gay.
PETER: Well, your daddy didn’t love you.
HARRY: Oh, bring it on.
PETER: Oh believe me, I will. With acid.
HARRY: … In a shocking turn of events, the eyeliner seems to have made Peter more hardcore.
PETER: That’s the way we do it in the O.C. Queens, bitch!

PETER: Gwen, come with me to this jazz club.
GWEN: But M.J.’s here, won’t this be awkward?
PETER: Nah, it’ll be fine.
GWEN: I guess we can keep a low profile.
PETER: plays on the piano, dances on the bar, steals drinks, whirls chairs and grinds Gwen
GWEN: … or not.

M.J.: Despite the fact that for all you know I callously dumped you for your best friend, Peter, I cannot believe you are being so insensitive.
PETER: Truly, genetically altered goo-wearing men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.
BOUNCER: Please leave.
M.J.: gets slapped in the scuffle
PETER: I can two-step on the streets of New York. I can sexually harass people in the workplace. I can throw acid into my best friend’s face. But when I accidentally hurt my ex-girlfriend, things have gone too far.

EDDIE: Dear God, please kill Peter Parker.
CHRIST ON THE CROSS: I’m sorry, did someone put up a sign outside the church saying ‘Jesus Christ: Assassin for Hire’?

PETER: Out, damned goo!
GOO: I thought we had something, Parker!
EDDIE: Is Peter Parker actually Goth Spiderman? More importantly, is he doing a strip tease?
GOO: Hey, baby. What’s a potential supervillain like you doin’ in a place like this?
EDDIE: Well…
GOO: C’mon, beautiful. Let me buy you a subplot.

VENOM!EDDIE: Hey, Sandman. Want to kill Spiderman with me?
SANDMAN: Something about your fangs and your general air of being enveloped in gooey black evil should be tipping me off that something here is not right, but my love for my little girl has turned off my brain.
VENOM!EDDIE: Excellent. Let’s go kidnap M.J.

PETER: Harry, come help me save M.J.!
HARRY (face now disfigured by all the acid): Peter, I have three words for you. My face!
PETER: That’s only two words…
HARRY: My beautiful face!

BUTLER: Well, Harry, the thing is I cleaned your dead father’s wound.
HARRY: Uh, and – why did you do that? Shouldn’t dead bodies be left for the police to deal with? Are we in the fourteenth century?
BUTLER: There was stuff in that wound that proved he was killed by his own super evil Goblin Hovercraft.
HARRY: How do you know about the hovercraft? You knew my father was the evil Goblin? Why didn’t you report this to the police?
BUTLER: You are right to have these questions. This scene makes no sense.
HARRY: Also seriously, maybe Spiderman killed my father with his own hovercraft? That could’ve happened!
BUTLER: No. It did not. This revelation totally exonerates Spiderman. I have known this all along but chosen not to tell you, and instead watched your break-up with your friends, your slow spiral into madness and evil, and of course your face getting horribly disfigured.
HARRY: But why? Why would you do this?
BUTLER: Because I love you, Harry.
HARRY: …Awkward.

SPIDERMAN: Now I swing to the rescue!
SPIDERMAN’S AUDIENCE: Oooh!
SPIDERMAN: Now I pose before the American flag!
SPIDERMAN’S AUDIENCE: Aaaah!
ACTUAL ENGLISH AUDIENCE: Uh – seriously?

VENOM AND SANDMAN: beat up Spiderman
REPORTER: Oh my God, I have never seen or even dreamed of such brutality!
AUDIENCE: But you’re, uh, a reporter. Haven’t you reported on – war crimes? Maybe rape? Maybe child murder?
REPORTER: This one dude getting smacked around beats all of that hollow!
AUDIENCE: How’s… that, exactly?
REPORTER: In my world, superpowered spidermen fly through the air, all right? Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

PETER: Harry, you came!
HARRY: It was this or stay at home getting hit on by the help.
PETER: You made the right decision on so many levels, Harry.

HARRY: Let’s hold hands!
PETER: Okay!
HARRY: And fight crime!
PETER: Okay!
HARRY: And later we can have a threesome with M.J.!
PETER: … Wait, what?
HARRY: I thought it was worth a try.

PETER: Things are going so great!
HARRY: I am falling from the sky. Like a falling angel, but from a hoverboard and also, with my lungs filling with blood.
M.J.: That’s terrible news!
HARRY: I couldn’t agree more.
M.J.: We’ll never have that threesome now!
HARRY: Thanks, Mary Jane. Now I’m really depressed.

PETER: I know the temptation is great, but you must resist the evil call of the goo!
EDDIE: I feel personally fulfilled by and committed to evil! Me and evil - two great tastes that taste great together!

BELLS: We are the next Convenient Plot Point!
PETER: I will use you to vanquish the goo! Oh, bells. You’re almost as good as amnesia… But not quite.

EDDIE: What are you doing?
PETER: Uh, saving the world from alien parasitic invaders?
EDDIE: Noooooo! (dives for the alien parasitic invader.) You jump, I jump!
THE GOO: Never let go, Eddie!
EDDIE AND THE GOO: explode together, like Romeo and Juliet gone nuclear

SANDMAN: I’ve done things I can’t be forgiven for.
PETER: Me too. Like the jitterbug.
SANDMAN: I realise that I shot your uncle. And I kidnapped your girlfriend, which almost led to her death. And I endangered the lives of dozens of innocent people. But you see, my little girl is sick.
PETER: Is your little girl… cute?
SANDMAN: She is!
PETER: A cute little girl with a life-threatening disease! Oh, then by movie logic, who could blame you?
SANDMAN: Cute little girl trumps innocent people’s lives?
PETER: Cute little girl trumps apocalypse! Get along with you, you scamp!

HARRY: *continues dying in M.J.’s arms* Hi, Peter. I’m dying.
PETER: Oh my God, Harry, don’t die! I love you! I think you’re totally cool! I love your costume! We can play basketball together! We can have that threesome!
HARRY: Oh, Peter. That’s so sweet. I like your costume, too.
HARRY: dies
M.J.: Now he tells us we could’ve had that threesome? Oh great, now I’m really depressed.

AUDIENCE: Is the movie over yet?
FUNERAL: Everyone cries.
AUDIENCE: Is that Gwen? How did she know Harry? Did they hook up?
GWEN: I didn’t know Harry. I just like going to funerals because I look smokin’ in black.
AUDIENCE: I guess it makes as much sense as anything else.

AUDIENCE: Seriously, is the movie over yet? We’re starting to get flashbacks to The Return of the King.
M.J. (sings): I’m totally through with love, especially if your name is Peter Parker and you wear eyeliner and hit me for no reason and make out with other girls while thousands cheer and miss out on your chance to let me be the redheaded filling in a superpowered sandwich!
PETER: walks in the joint
M.J.: Or maybe not.
PETER: Well, I’m back.
AUDIENCE: … We did warn you about the flashbacks.

[Chron]

Grandiose ce script remanié.
On ne peut que regretter que certaines répliques ne soit pas réellement dans le film. Comme "I water pistol you in the face!"
@+
Chron

[fik le roux]

Héhé, j'ai bien aimé.

[Klaim]

En parlant de review de film, celle ci donne bien envie : http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article77.htm

[bistroboy]

wow


wowowo




il est sur la mule

[Klaim]

Faut que je le récupère ce soir...